I believe this has probably been the most difficult piece to write mostly because you sometimes have to walk through a thing in order to speak on it. Every reaching hand is not a helping hand and every itching ear is not a listening ear. Some people are just present to watch you drown. They may be seemingly cheering you on but really they are cheering because of your downfalls and hang ups. Simply put, everybody is not your friend. And sometimes you forget the one thing about the people who actually are, they are human. Oh how it hurts stings and pains to have to go through the turmoils of life but even much so when those who you need to turn to are either nowhere to be found or giving you all of the wrong advice or worse seemingly cares less about your problems because they have their own. No this article is not about friendships so much. This is about faith. Faith in God and not man. Man will forever disappoint, neglect, and let you down but God changes not. Sometimes we make relationships, jobs, even friendships our idols. We run to our coworkers about problems at the office. We run to our partners about our raging emotions. We run to our friends about our partners. We talk to anybody, everybody who will listen but we forget to talk to the all seeing and all knowing creator about the problems we face. As a result we come up empty and dissatisfied. It rings true when it rains it pours. The times you depend on people the most is the time people seem the least dependable. Not always because they are bad people but because they are human. God is the source of your supply. Your supply of peace, joy , freedom, and whatever else you may need and it seems foolish to bypass your source for someone or something that leaves you feeling empty. It is important to learn to go to God about your problems, your mistakes, your troubles. He won't throw it back in your face when he gets angry like your friends may. He may restore some relationships and friendships but sharing those issues with others can in fact hinder the restoration as they attempt to remind you of everything the person ever did wrong. This goes back to forgiveness. We are to forgive as we would have Him to forgive us. This does not mean that every relationship or friendship will go back to being the same but the act of forgiveness restores peace. But more importantly in this transition I learned to trust God wholeheartedly without doubt or fear. This is where the growing pains come to life. It hurts to stretch and grow and develop but it is necessary for your future for your purpose. It hurt when we were teething we were uncomfortable cranky and it seemed there was nothing anyone could do but we needed those teeth to grow so we could digest the food we would soon be able to receive and after eating many delicacies we are grateful for the temporary pain. Pain indeed is relative. It is relative to growth. So I fought with this. I questioned everything. God I'm not fit to write this blog. Who really wants to listen to me? Well I had been given an assignment and while I danced around it I continuously had to live through it. Everything seemed to go against what I HAD PLANNED FOR ME. Yes what I HAD PLANNED. Silly me. To think that my plans were exempt from being torn apart. God why me? I'm trying to live right; I have a good heart; I do right by people even the ones who've wronged me. What am I doing wrong? Lord why did you let me come this far and everything else just exploded. I was almost to my destination. Why did I have to reroute? Oh it hurt yall. Everything I prayed for and had it felt like I was losing it one by one. I tried talking to people and it would help for a moment then I would feel down again. I had to learn to cast my cares on the Lord for he cares for me. I revisited the meaning of faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. The things you don't see that is what you believe God to perform. The things that seem impossible is what you believe Him for. He knows your needs and even your wants the key is to just trust that in His timing and His will that everything will work together for you. Hope, hope is the trust that something will happen or believing that something will occur. The inkling that something good will happen, that's hope. When you become anxious you get wrapped up in the fear of the future because you are unsure of what's going to happen. When you become depressed you fear that nothing good will happen or you began to lose all hope. Talking to the Lord about it and letting Him lift the heavy load and carry your burdens you can focus on Him and less on the situation. Most times that is all he asked us to do. Let some stuff go. It is one of the hardest things for our minds and hearts to do. Let go of the worry, fear, and YOUR PLAN for your life. Obedience is truly better than sacrifice. Because being obedient and letting go is better than holding on. He has better, greater for our lives and our struggle to see that causes us to put a death grip on what's familiar and we miss out on what is greater. Even with the story of Abraham and Isaac when he was told to sacrifice his son in his heart he had to be obedient. He could have tried reasoning with God attempting to change his mind but in his heart he submitted to the Lord even though he couldn't understand he knew to trust God. In the end there was a ram in the bush. It just gives me peace knowing that God always supplies just what we need. Even when we don't see a way how. He can stop us in our tracks and reroute us because he wants his very best for us. I often would think along the lines after a few hurt feelings if don't nobody else have me, I got me. The truth is even when I don't have myself and even when everything is falling apart and I lose hope, when I'm weary God carries me. He has me even when I don't have me and that's love. It's been nearly a year since I've written and it seems I'm a bit behind time but I'm continuously learning God is in time and on time and I have to trust his timing and his plan for my life. "His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts," oh but I thank God they are not because even I will disappoint my own self but God he faileth not. Be Blessed.